Cooking to Connect

Food has long been a tool for socialisation and bringing people together. Food that celebrates people, places and beginnings. Food that commiserates endings, losses and grief. Food that shares culture, beliefs and rituals. Food that tells people what we feel and what they mean to us when words don’t quite cut it. I like to call this Cooking to Connect. 

Food and Celebration

Can you think of many celebrations where food is not a highlight of the event? Weddings, birthdays, baptisms, achievements, promotions, fundraisers... You name it. I mean, sure, people need to eat but there’s a significance that often comes with these events. A cake with candles on a birthday. Bomboniere at a wedding. Chocolate eggs or tsoureki at Easter. A democracy sausage on voting day. It’s a token to demonstrate value and show that you care. Yes, food brings us together but when there is already a reason to come together, food helps us to commemorate and bring deeper meaning to the congregation or celebration. 

Food and Commiseration

In the same way that food can add value to celebration, it is also a part of commiserations. Think resignations, retirements, going away parties and just a bit of consolation when someone receives some bad news. One example that comes to mind is the way people gather to eat and drink together after a funeral to remember the loved one and demonstrate their condolences. One may consider this a celebration of life but it’s also about supporting the grief process and participating in a meaningful activity with intention. Preparing, sharing and eating food together to commiserate is also a way to show that you care and display feelings when words may lack the sentiment you wish to portray. 

Food, Culture and Religion

Previously, we’ve spoken about how food can be used as a way to practice religion and demonstrate one’s belief. There is often symbolism linked to food items or stories attached to them that help to preserve traditions, rituals and faith, and pass on lore from one generation to the next. During lent, Catholics often abstain from meat on Fridays to acknowledge the sacrifice they believe Jesus made for them, and instead choose to eat fish. In Islam, Ramadan fasting is often broken with dates to emulate the way their prophet Muhammed broke fast in the same way. The preparation of religiously and culturally significant dishes also brings families, friends and communities together across generations as the elder teach the young, bringing more meaning to the process and experience. 

Food as Sign of Affection

As discussed above, it’s not unusual to prepare food to celebrate a person or event, to support and comfort during grief but also to offer affection. Can you recall a time when you were unwell or feeling down and someone offered to buy or make you your favourite food? On my birthday each year, my mum used to ask me to choose any meal I wanted and she would make it for me for family dinner. When we were sick, it was “riso al burro”, a cheesy, buttery rice that made for the most epic comfort food. I still make it for myself when I’m sick, as a little self care. Food as a sign of affection can feed the self identity and role as caregiver and play into the concept of an act of service, one of the love languages. Acts of service being a physical expression of love and care that does not include words or giving gifts. 

Food and Third Places

The Third Place is the concept that really birthed the name of this little blog. It’s the idea of having social spaces in the community unrelated to work or home that can be shared equally and democratically amongst people. So many examples of third places are related to sharing food and drink such as restaurants, cafes, bars, markets, food trucks, sausage sizzles and barbecues. When the spaces that you frequent in the community are centred around food then the food shared together understandably serves a greater purpose than nutrition and sustenance such as building relationships, sharing experiences and creating memories. 

Cooking to Connect is ever present in our lives even if we don’t realise that we are doing it. For people with dysphagia, it can be challenging to engage in that practice if you can’t share the food that you are preparing or being gifted. The activities that connect us are so often focused around food and these practices are also so enjoyable and memorable for the same reason. It’s not only important that a person with dysphagia can participate in these practices in order to avoid social isolation and to enjoy their food but it’s the ongoing practice, the routine, that consistently expands our networks, minds, experiences and relationships that is at even greater risk. The sense of inclusion that one feels when they share a meal can lift the mood, provide purpose and bring joy to a person, and being able to celebrate, commiserate, practice culture and be a part of community brings deeper meaning to sharing a plate of food with others. Next time you’re preparing food for a birthday or fundraiser, sending condolences to a loved one, or ducking down to the nearest spot for locals night with some friends, take note to see what you might be able to share together so that everyone can feel a part of something bigger than just the meal on the table.